


Meanwhile, Castiel.

by awed_frog



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Episode: s11e01 Out of the Darkness Into the Fire, Everything is Beautiful and Everything Hurts, Freeform, M/M, Pining, True Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-07
Updated: 2015-10-07
Packaged: 2018-04-25 08:30:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 606
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4953445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/awed_frog/pseuds/awed_frog
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If you were a woman, I would have kissed you just to be your first. And I would have made damn sure I’d be your last.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Meanwhile, Castiel.

**Author's Note:**

> I feel a bit unmoored today; something of a wreck. English is such a beautiful language: I used this expression for years before discovering that a wreck is an actual object, a sunken ship.
> 
> I often feel like a wreck, and I don't know which kind of wreck I am today. Sometimes I am standing on the bottom of the ocean, looking up, so far away from the surface I can't even believe there is light in the world; other times I am stranded on the side of a cliff, and I watch the other ships go by, and I wonder how they do it. I think maybe today I am face down on the beach, and there are pieces of myself scattered all around, and if I could just stand up and fix it, I'm sure it'd be okay.
> 
> Anyway, my day off has nothing to do with _Supernatural_. I'm actually excited about it, I loved the promo, and I hope we'll have a great season.
> 
> But, still, this is one of those days when I can't help resenting the fact women do not have a right to adventures, that women must be killed off to avoid distracting heroes with their nagging and shopping-related, inane problems. One of those days when I resent writers for creating worlds without women and then getting angry at their characters for falling in love with each other instead. One of those day when I wish I could turn Cas into a woman, just add a small 's' in a _Supernatural_ summary -
> 
> _(s)He reneged Heaven for Dean - (s)He gave up an army for Dean - (s)He died for Dean - (s)He could not hurt Dean_
> 
> \- just so I could say to sceptics, _Do you see the love story now?_

If you were a woman, I’m sure I could love you.

If you were a woman, I would still look into your eyes first, because, buddy, in those blue eyes of yours I see blue oceans and blue skies and a way to fly which doesn’t scare me.

If you were a woman, I would still look at your lips second, because, baby, there is just something about them and I can’t tear my gaze away.

If you were a woman, I still wouldn’t care about your ill-fitting clothes, and I would still picture what’s going on underneath, but, man, if you were a woman, I would have found out by now.

If you were a woman, my fingers would not brush against your shoulder, and then move away; they would slide down your arm, and find your hand, and never let go.

Because, if you were a woman, I would have kissed you when you told me I was different.

In fact, if you were a woman, I would have kissed you that very first night, because you made my very blood dance inside my veins.

If you were a woman, I would have kissed you just to be your first. And I would have made damn sure I’d be your last.

[I would have been absolutely positive that’s what you’d want, as well, because, if you were a woman, I would have known what broke the connection without needing to ask you.]

But if you were a woman, I would still kill anyone who’d lay a hand on you; I would still fight my way to you; I would still forgive you _anything_.

And if you were a woman, I would have found a way to protect you and love you after your wings were torn off you and you Fell.

If you were a woman, the fact that you rebelled for me and killed your own brothers for me and turned against Heaven for me would be reason enough to fall in love with you.

And if you were a woman, I would never look at anyone else again.

If you were a woman, I wouldn’t dream of torture and I wouldn’t dream of strippers and I wouldn’t dream of the King of Hell - if you were a woman, buddy, you’d walk inside my head every night and we’d never had to be apart, not even for a minute. I would show you rivers of purple and the inside of a Clint Eastwood movie and that weirdass castle on paws I once saw.

Because if you were a woman, the other side of my bed would not be empty, and you would not need to sleep in a rusty city bus waiting for someone to kill you.

If you were a woman, our subtext would be fucking text already, and a text so bright and loud as to deafen and blind everyone in a ten-mile radius; a text so strong and fierce it would flatten trees (Remember when you used to do that for me? When you weren't bound by the pointless limitations of a human body, and your affectionate whispers would shatter glass?).

If you were a woman, there would be no reason for us to be apart.

If you were a woman, I’d still be terrified at the idea of fucking it up and losing you.

If you were a woman, I’d still feel there is nothing I can give you, because I am a desperate mess and you are perfection.

But if you were a woman, Cas, I could not love you any more deeply than I love you now.


End file.
